After my last piece garnered hundreds (plus dozens!) of clicks, as promised I'm here to tell you - the would-be
First things first...the title. Your blog needs an awesome name that can really bring in the readership. The best name, in my opinion and in the immortal words of Seymour Skinner, will sound witty at first, but seem less funny each time you hear it.
Until I had something to try and sell, my website was called Impatient Care (actually, the original name was One Asshole's Opinion, but it was torpedoed early on). Impatient Care...witty at first, less funny each time you hear it. Alternatively, go for broke with an oversell like Code Blue Health Newz! or something to that effect. Whichever way you go - witty, pithy, or bombastic - stay consistent between the name of the blog and the title of each post. It'll help build your all-important merk once you decide to monetize.
It's content that matters most. Titles are much like book covers...there to pique the reader's interest. It's your actual posts that will keep people reading and coming back for more. So how do you create awesome blog posts time and again? Easy.
- Find a bete noire. Maybe it's Coca-Cola, or Gwyneth Paltrow, or your least favorite political party. Anyone you can heap e-abuse on without needing to think too hard will do. Bloggers are expected to put out stuff at least weekly, so you need a foil to beat up on whenever writer's block sets in.
- Speculate and opine. Don't waste time researching background facts. Exposing the truth won't set you free...it just brings on College complaints and lawsuits. Instead, be an armchair quarterback and run your e-mouth like a fire hose. Or just make shit up. You know who gets between 100,000 and 200,000 views on his YouTube channel every day? advises the U.S. President these days - ran a piece on how your horoscope affects your health, which is beyond nonsense to anyone with a grade 6 science education. But whose pay would you rather take home - yours or Oz's? (I'd take either over my own).
- Use hyperbolic language. Health care cuts aren't harmful, they're devastating. Doctors aren't stressed, they're under siege. Nurses aren't diligent and hard-working, they're tireless lifesavers. Online, exaggeration increases your credibility...look up anything by Alex Jones if you don't believe me.
- Sprinkle pop culture metaphors. The Simpsons, Marvel movies, Star Wars, Spice Girls. Everybody knows them, everybody loves them. If you can somehow tie your opinion piece into the cultural zeitgiest, you've got a winning blog post. And if you can string an entire post together using the same pop culture metaphor, you are a true artist of the genre.
A note on language. We all swear from time to time. It's normal, it's cathartic, and though you're not supposed to say them on TV, swear words still get blurted out from time to time. Shit is safe for all but the daintiest of readers, and f**k is best neutered by judicious placement of asterixes and/or a simple f-ing hyphen. I recommend male bloggers avoid the C-word, or your College will put your number on speed dial.
Dressing it up. No blog post is complete without stock photos. A sickeningly attractive model in scrubs, or a photo collection of medical items that would never actually be found together, can really give a
So there you go. You've found your voice, and now you've got a foolproof recipe for kick-ass blog posts that will keep your readers hungry for more. Just remember to finish off with a non-sequitur quote from somebody famous, and you'll knock it right out of the park. Happy blogging!!
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Tuesday, June 19, 2018
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